Preparing For Your Engagement Session

Preparing for your engagement session can be a teensy bit intimidating and possibly a little stressful.  You want your Engagement photos to be perfect, and once you’ve booked and set a date with your photographer, you’re left with the task of making sure you look your best for the photo shoot.  Here’s a guide to looking your best for your Engagement Session!

What To Wear

While it’s more obvious what you’ll be wearing in your wedding pictures, the Engagement session leaves you with more freedom to express yourself and bring more patterns, colors, and styles into the photos than you will probably have in your wedding photos.  As simple as it is, “What should I wear?” is the most common question couples tend to ask leading up to their engagement session, so here are a few pointers for deciding on how to dress for your session!

Paden 3When telling my couples a general idea of how they should dress for their engagement session, I always start by saying that it should be something that they feel represents their style well and that they will be physically and personally comfortable in. By that, I mean that you want to be comfortable (not sweatpants comfortable, but at least not something that will be itchy or annoying throughout the shoot), but also something that you feel like yourself in.  If you don’t wear strapless dresses on a normal basis, it’s probably not a great idea to wear one for your shoot.  If you really like wearing heels and they don’t make you two feet taller than your fiance, then by all means, wear some comfortable pumps!

Secondly, to touch on the “no sweatpants” suggestion from earlier, dress in “Everyday Dressy”.  Something you might wear to church or a dinner party at a friend’s house.  Jeans are okay, but pair them with a nice blouse or button up shirt.  The dressier, the better, as long as you still feel like yourself in what you’re wearing.  

Also, try to stick with something that doesn’t show too much skin.  Your photographer might need to crop the shot in a certain way or shoot from a specific angle, and sometimes showing a lot of skin doesn’t allow those shots to look as good.  As a general rule, if your shirt or top shows a lot of chest and arms, then don’t show too much leg skin, and vice versa.Eric + Danae-11

Make sure you and your Fiance know what the other is planning on wearing and coordinate to be sure that any colors or patterns you’ve picked out won’t clash or look too busy together.  Also, think about the type of weather and location you’ll be doing the photoshoot in and make sure that what you’re wearing will look and feel appropriate.  Obviously, you don’t want to wear a sweater dress for a summer session and be wiping drips of sweat off of your forehead between every pose, and vice versa for a strapless dress in chilly, fall weather.

Last but not least, dress in clothing that accents your assets and camouflages the things you aren’t so crazy about.  This falls in line with dressing to be personally comfortable.  Dress so that you won’t be worried about adjusting, hiding or covering anything during the photo shoot so that you can purely focus on having fun and enjoying your session!

Jewelry + Accessories

V + M Engagement W-30First of all, clean that gorgeous engagement ring so that your photographer can feature it in your photos!  Along with that, make sure you’re happy with how your hands and nails look since they’ll probably be featured in some of those ring shots.  You don’t necessarily need to get a manicure, but make sure you’ll be happy with how your hands and nails will look in any up-close hand/ring photos.  If you do plan to get a manicure, make sure your nail color and patterns won’t be the focal point of the photo and steal attention away from your ring or face in any up-close shots or make anything look too busy.

As far as other jewelry or accessories go, use your discretion.  Wear jewelry that will accent your natural look, but not take the main focus in the photos.  If you normally prefer silver to gold jewelry, stick with what you know you like!  Generally, keep it on the simple side and if you do want to wear an accent piece, keep it to just one. Ask your photographer if you aren’t sure how something will look in photos and don’t be afraid to bring multiple options to ask their opinion on if you can’t decide!

Hair & Makeup

V + M Engagement W-84When it comes to hairdos, there aren’t too many guidelines other than keeping it consistent with how you would normally style it for a semi-dressy event (think date night).  Whatever hairstyle you go with, make sure it compliments the outfit, accessories, and general feel you want your shoot to have instead of it making a statement with it.  Lastly, whatever hairstyle you choose (even if you’re wearing it loose and down), spray a light amount of hairspray over the top to keep frizz and flyaways at bay and out of the spotlight in your photos!

Makeup should typically be just slightly heavier than what you would wear on a normal day since it tends to always look like less behind the lens.  If you usually don’t wear any makeup, wear just a little to give you a polished look and to hide any imperfections that don’t represent what you know you normally look like (Pimples, dark circles, etc).  If you normally wear a small amount of makeup, wear just a tad more and make sure it looks neat and natural.  If you normally wear a full face of makeup, keep your look consistent and don’t go too heavy on any one product (especially highlighter as it can look like oil or sweat in photos).  Give your makeup look a trial run before the actual day of the photo shoot to make sure that it looks the way you want it to and won’t give you trouble halfway through the session (especially if your session is on a hot day and you know you’re prone to get sweaty and/or oily easily)!  As part of your makeup trial, take a selfie outside to make sure you like how everything looks in photos in the daylight (which is probably what your photographer will use to light your session).  

If you don’t feel comfortable doing your own makeup or would rather have a professional do it to make sure that it will look just right in your photos, ask your photographer if they have worked with any makeup artists that they can recommend to do your makeup for your session!

In the end, you’ll look your best when you feel your best!  

Get plenty of rest the night before, make sure you’re well hydrated, and listen to your favorite “sing at the top of your lungs” music on the way to your session to help you feel good on the inside as well as outside for your session.  

Your engagement photos are a celebration of your decision to join your two, unique, individual lives into one.  Choosing to be happy, comfortable, and relaxed will create the most authentic images, so stay true to your own style and focus on your love for each other and your excitement for the future together!  And, of COURSE, have fun!

anna

Dealing with Disappointment.

Disappointment is almost impossible to avoid.  Although it’s not particularly fun to dwell on, the disappointments I experience in my personal and professional life are worth talking about, because they are a very real part of life.  Disappointment demands to be felt, needs to be dealt with, pays to be learned from, and we can benefit from it in the long run.

. . .

When I was about 6, I was walking in a park with my family.  We were walking along a path, with posts all along the left side of it and a chain attached from post to post, to form a fence.  The little wild child within me wanted to hop over the chain (it was only about 5 inches from the ground), so I did.  But I got my foot caught, and landed on my stomach as I fell to the ground.  I don’t remember skinning my knee or elbow or twisting my ankle, but I remember this really terrible feeling I had never felt before. I described the pain and asked my dad why I felt so bad and he told me it was because there’s always a little bit of air reserved in your lungs and it hurts when it gets pushed out, which was what my fall had done to that air in my lungs.

That’s a little bit of what I think it feels like to be disappointed.

Sometimes, you find out that something you were holding out hope for, isn’t happening.  At least not as far as you can see. And although this feeling isn’t quite like the sting of someone being downright mean or purposely hurtful, it still brings a type of pain with it, which is why dwelling on disappointment isn’t fun.   I’m talking about it right now because it’s a big deal, even if it doesn’t happen often in life (and I hope for both you and I, it doesn’t).  When it comes to anything we have to put ourselves out there to accomplish or be recognized for, we are opening ourselves up to an elevated risk for disappointment and hurt, and therefore, almost everyone is touched by it.

Whether it’s love, marriage, competitions, applications, auditions, relationships, business, respect, entrepreneurship, vulnerability, or anything else with the possibility of a high reward, we run the risk of being disappointed that the outcome we wished for did not become a reality.  Disappointment is not necessarily something bad happening to us, but the lack of something good we were hoping for.  To hope at all opens us up to the possibility of disappointment.

Disappointment is (hopefully) a few-and-far-between, but very real and unavoidable part of life, especially if you are striving for great things. So when each of us come to a place where we have to face disappointment, what do we do?  We usually have a few options: quit and close up, become bitter and hurt, or gain some perspective and grow. I don’t want to let disappointment convince us to quit or be hurt and stop moving forward.  I want us to take this inevitability and learn how to win from it.

Sometimes, disappointment is not your fault or anything you could have avoided, even with the most vigilant, wise or knowledgeable perspective, but it can provide us with a new, valuable perspective for the future.  I think that’s a big part of what irks me so much about disappointment.  Disappointment inherently hits us in our blind spots, if it didn’t, we might have known how to avoid it.  Disappointment isn’t something that can be entirely avoided if we just knew the right “warning signs” to look out for.  I would go as far as to say that we shouldn’t really be trying to avoid disappointment – because by doing so, we would end up never striving for anything great.

The risk of disappointment is naturally taken on when we hope for something good.  I choose to believe that hoping and striving for those good things is worth the risk of disappointment.

I think of disappointment as a natural occurrence that provides us with an opportunity to gain a new perspective and become stronger, more well-rounded human beings, if we choose to take it.

 Sometimes, I’m surprised by the things that I find myself disappointed by. Instead of trying to avoid disappointment altogether, even if I could, I want to learn as much as I can from it.  About myself and about what matters most to me. About my expectations.  About God.  About how He responds when I ask him for things I thought were good, but He doesn’t give them to me.  About other people and my reliance on them to make me happy.  About how I deal with things that knock the wind out of me.  About how to get back up when I’ve been knocked down.  I want to take all of these lessons and allow them to make me a more complex, deep, caring, compassionate, kind, aware, and loving person.

I want to even take it a step further and be thankful for disappointment and expect it in the future.  I don’t want to run from it, but when I get knocked down, I want to stay on the ground for just a minute longer than I would naturally want to, and take a look at the world around me from this unique perspective that (thankfully) I don’t get to see everyday.  Not so that I can have a pity party, but so that I can understand, in a new way, the characteristics that I need to add to my drive in order to keep moving forward in the future in spite of disappointment rearing it’s ugly head again.  It’s important to stay there in the dust for a minute.  Hug someone, and maybe even let a few tears fall.  But then pick yourself back up and dust off from the fall.  When you find yourself in disappointment, take a second to see something you haven’t seen before and realize that getting knocked down is not the worst thing in the world.  That way, when you make it back up to your feet, you’ll rise with the insight, compassion, and bravery that getting knocked down by disappointment is not the end and can actually make us better people.

And in the middle of the disappointment muck that seems to stick to you and keep you from freely moving forward even once you have stood up and dusted yourself off, just concern yourself with putting one foot back on the path.  And then put your other foot in front of that one.  And repeat.  Until the disappointment is something of the past that you become thankful for, because now you’re stronger. Because you had to learn to get up and walk again after you had the the wind knocked out of you and you did it.

We can not only get up and rise above, but also learn to be thankful for disappointment, because wherever our path takes us, now we know how to get up, take a deep breath, and keep moving forward.

anna

Be Vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a fascinating thing, but most people are too afraid of it to ever reap the benefits.

If someone has the self-awareness and the guts to identify their own vulnerabilities, it’s usually only in their own mind and maybe in their journal, or whispered to their best fried or significant other.  And even then, barely.  At least I know that’s the case for me.  I’m afraid and uncomfortable even recognizing, not to mention opening up about, my vulnerabilities.

Recognizing my weaknesses and insecurities makes me want to turn and walk really quickly in the opposite direction before anyone even sees me near them.

“I procrastinate too much. My photos aren’t as good as they could be. I’m not in as good of shape as I should be. I’m late to things. I have a hard time not being extreme when it comes to ideologies. I can be obsessive at times and neglect other, important things. I’m not great at communicating my frustrations until it’s too late. Sometimes, I’m lazy. I’m not busy enough. I’m too busy.”

Whether they are true, or whether they are lies I believe about myself and what my life should look like,  these vulnerabilities scare me.  I’m afraid to admit or even own up to them because I’ve told myself that any single one of these failure-prone areas of mine might mean my demise in the eyes of other people – as a professional, friend, or moderately cool human being.  And actually, I’m completely right.  The way that any one person views another person is dependent on so many, intricate, fragile, and often stupid assumptions and variables.  This is why other people’s opinions about us cannot determine our worth.

The truth is that if any facet of who I am has (or even appears to have) a flaw, I could lose someone’s respect or good opinion of me and my work – *snap* just like that.  But if it’s true that someone’s opinion of me could change that easily anyway, what’s the use of working so hard to cover up these less-than-perfect, but true aspects of who I am?  I’ve heard someone with thousands of followers on twitter say that they consistently lose followers every time they tweet something – especially something bold and gutsy.  Should they never tweet anything?  And if they did decide to never tweet or put anything out there, what value are they giving the consistent, faithful followers that they do have?  Nothing.

I’ve come to the conclusion that running from or hiding my weaknesses and genuineness from people will not get me ahead at all in life.  In fact, if I’m always censoring, editing, or tweaking what I allow myself to put out into the world, I’ll probably end up hurting myself more in the long run.  I can’t think of a better way to lose your unique voice than to constantly question whether something genuine you’ve done, shared, or made, makes you look bad or not.  Do you want to be heard?  Do you want to stand out?  Do you want the right people (and followers) to listen – and keep listening – to what you have to say?  Then be vulnerable.  Be genuine.  Be real.  And stop caring so much about people finding out that you’re not perfect.

It’s sort of funny, because we all know there are no perfect people, anyway, and yet perfection is the persona we all seem to be striving for.  Why do we work so hard to convince people to expect perfection out of us when we know full well that we are far from it and can never live up to that expectation?  Striving to make others think we are perfect is to strive to be an imposter and a disappointment.  If we thought about it at all, maybe we would quit trying so hard to be perfect and try a little harder to be honest.  Honest about who we truly are and about what people can expect from us.

I am a human being, learning about how to be a better Christ follower, wife, sister, daughter, friend, photographer, homemaker, designer, writer, and a bunch of other things I haven’t discovered yet or didn’t list here.  I have not arrived, I am weak, I let people down, and will spend my whole life trying to improve on of these things.  That’s what you can expect of me.

Embracing and being open about our vulnerabilities and weaknesses doesn’t mean we stop doing our best.  In fact, perfectionism is another one of my weaknesses, at times.  Instead, I’m advocating doing our best and being at peace with, and honest about it, whatever state our “best” may be in.  Of course there’s a right place and time for sharing vulnerabilities, and sometimes the discretion of that is a challenge.  But honestly, I think most of us are more prone to covering up more than we have to than being open and honest about things that could make us look anything less than perfect.

The people I respect most in life are those who are candid, open, honest, and secure enough to share their fears, failures, and vulnerabilities with me and others.

Being vulnerable enough to recognize and admit mistakes, failures, and weaknesses cultivates trust, closeness, respect, and even more vulnerability.  

While vulnerability needs to be cushioned by boundaries on all sides to ensure that it isn’t taken advantage of, having the wisdom and the confidence to be open about weaknesses (past or present) creates an atmosphere that inevitably leads to depth.  And depth is where we see the characteristics that make us unique, individual, intricate and beautiful.

Share your vulnerabilities, but do it wisely.  Even if you start with just yourself.  Be honest.  Stop believing that you have to be perfect, or even that you have to pretend to be perfect.  Life is hard in some way or another for every single person that has or ever will live on this planet.  But if we can learn to be vulnerable in the hardest parts, it can only make the sweetness of the joys all the better.

your imperfect friend,

anna